Bad Day

This post is going to be very real (and probably really long) because today just sucked.  Today was one of those days that I would love to go back to bed and wake up and start all over.  Today I had to deal with stuff that I did not want to deal with and personally just did not have the patience to handle or the emotional capability.

Lets begin with the first crappy news I received today... I found out that another job I had interviewed for and did really well at the interview hired another candidate... I felt like a complete loser and failure when I got the email to say the least.  When this part of the day occurred, let me just tell you I lost it.  I started crying uncontrollably and didn't stop for some time.  I felt like a crazy woman but I was mad and sad all at the same time and needed to let my emotions out.  After I found out I didn't get the job I really wanted.... I started to panic.  I started telling myself that something was wrong with me and that I just wasn't good enough.  After about 30 minutes of this brutal beating I was giving myself I had a WOAH moment and couldn't believe I was allowing Satan to put such sinful thoughts into my mind.

Then after this moment occurred, I broke down yet again and just started praying... more like begging and crying out to God to show me open doors, to show me where He needed me to be, but more than anything to just allow me to hear His voice and feel His comfort.  It took me a while to calm down but I finally did after much prayer and crying out to God.  Today for the first time in a long time I felt out of control in every aspect of my life... my marriage (arguing lately with Reagan over the stupidest things is stressing me out), my job (I have no clue where I am supposed to be or the next job I am supposed to apply to), or what God will be doing with my life 2 weeks from now let alone months down the road.  If God needed me to get to a breaking point I am here, calling out to Him needing answers.  But honestly, more than answers I just need the peace of God to flow through me like it never has before.  I am tired and I just need God to carry me... just for a little while until He can give me enough strength to pick up the pieces. Today, I clung to this verse: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" --Exodus 14:14.  I really think God demonstrated that to me today.  Yes my world is a mess and so out of control... so I need to be STILL and KNOW without a doubt that my God will take care of everything for me because He loves me that much.

Today was a day that I didn't do much of anything, but I am emotionally exhausted.  I need sleep, I need to recharge and more than anything I need to get a hold of myself and my emotions so that the bickering with my husband will stop--- I need the stress to go away so that I can feel just a little sense of peace. I need to stop feeling that everything that is out of my control needs to be blamed on someone (i.e. my husband) because quite frankly neither one of us can do anything right now to make the craziness that is engulfing me go away; all we can do is pray that God will ease the pain and stress that I am experiencing. My prayer tonight is that God will lift the burdens of stress from both of us so that we can both realize that deep down beneath all the stress we love each other so much... because more than anything we are both so stressed because we do not know how to fix all the craziness and it is driving us even more crazy!  Even though our love language is not expressing "I LOVE YOU" right at this moment, I know deep down it is true... I know at the end of the day we would do anything for each other and today is just one of those days that we decided to be human and allow the stress to overcome us.  So, my prayer for tomorrow is that God allows me to be more aware of my stress so that I do not take it out on my husband and to love him even more through all the craziness.

So I ask if you read this, please just pray.  Pray for less stress, pray for better days to come and pray that in everything I do I seek God's will for my life and not try to figure things out on my own (If I am being real that is when things get so messy and I get so stressed).  Also, pray that God begins to lift the burdens of stress that Reagan and I are under because I hate that so much for us.  My prayer is that tomorrow God can help me love Reagan like He loves me even through the stress... because after the stress and craziness of life is gone all there will be is love to comfort us.

I hope everyone has had a better day then me because this has been one for the books-- one I had to document because I have never felt so out of control and an emotional basket case!  I pray that once you are done reading this you all do not think I am crazy... to say the least it was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS!

"Lord, I ask that you comfort my heart tonight.  That you give me strength to endure through this time of stress, confusion and chaos my life feels like.  I pray that in all things to come I seek You for Your guidance and wisdom; because above all else you are the Provider of peace and comfort, and You know each step of my life that is to come.  Thank you for loving me through the happy and sad times... I am so undeserving of Your Love. Amen."

Thank You.

Thank you to all the men and women who fight so hard to keep our country safe.  Thank you for the sacrifices you have made to make sure that we live in a place that is protected by so many.  Thank you for walking the line when many would never want to be where you all have been.  Thank you for having the courage to do things (measures to keep us safe and secure) that many do not know about or even acknowledge.  Thank you for making our homes safe and protected and providing this nation with a sense of peace.  Thank you for putting your life on the line for me and my family and friends so that we can have freedom.  Thank you God for protecting these men and women who work day in and day out to keep our country safe; a sacrifice that many people take for granted.  Thank you Lord for giving us a day to celebrate these brave men and women; I pray that we all remember that every day should be a day that we say "thank you" to the men and women who keep us safe day in and day out.  On this Memorial Day weekend, I pray that we all remember the significance of this holiday and what these men and women in the past, present and future have done for us-- I am so very grateful to live in a place where I am safe, have freedom to live, and know that my God is watching out for us each and every day.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial day!

"Lord, thank you for these men and women who fight for our country.  I pray that each day we remember them and lift them and their families up to you; give them strength and protection as they fight to keep us safe.  Thank you Lord for their sacrifices, on behalf of so many we are so grateful. Amen."

lacking motivation.... for the GYM

I have this feeling lately that I cannot shake... a lack of energy/motivation... whatever you want to call it I don't like it. I have had a lack of motivation to go to the gym... it would be so much more enticing if I had a buddy to go workout with... I have friends who would love to workout with me it's just our schedules clash-- which sucks.  So to make myself go all alone-- is hard; I would so rather workout with someone else... it makes the time go by so much faster!!!  Though, even though it has been hard for me to build up the stamina to go I have gone.  I am trying to get back in shape (which is much needed after the break I took from working out during finals).   I dunno... I just feel like my workouts are so routine and quite frankly are getting boring.  I need something to make me excited to go to the gym like a really fun class or something! Though, I must admit the one thing I like about going to the gym is getting to see the results... even though for me it takes longer to see at times the results make me smile.... so, I keep pushing myself to go even when I am tired or just simply could think of a million other better things to do than going to the gym and working out.   I seriously hope I am not the only woman who feels like this.... better yet I am going to bet I am not alone in this battle with the gym.  Since I am talking about the gym so much I better get my booty up and head there right now to get my cardio in for the day-- thank goodness it is not a weight lifting day I am so sore from yesterday!
I would love to hear people's gym routines or things they do to make the gym more exciting... always looking for some variety!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day, despite the gloomy weather we are having here in Texas today!

"Energy and Persistence conquer all things!"

Summertime = Hobbies :)

Since summer time is here I am always looking for new hobbies and doing hobbies that I have always loved.  This summer I really want to learn how to paint furniture so that I can have some fun decorative pieces in our house-- I have seen so many cool blogs where people find things at goodwill centers, garage sells, etc. and then they turn them into shabby chic pieces... I love that look and definitely want to learn how to do this (and you get really cool pieces for half the price)!!

Also, this summer I really want to scrapbook our wedding and honeymoon.  I have always had a love for scrapbooking-- it just takes so much time!  Though, I would love to do this so that we have something to look back on and show our kids one day!

I also want to volunteer this summer (if I do not yet have a full time job-- though I still think I would make time to volunteer even if I do have a full time job).  I would love to volunteer at the Ronald McDonald House or the local Children's Hospital so that I can do something great and rewarding with my time.  I just love to love on children and families so I feel that this would be a really great way to do this!

I also want to take a lot of time this summer and really buckle down and get into a routine of working out.   With this last semester being so crazy, I missed being at the gym as much as I would have liked to. So, this summer I am going to take time for myself at the gym and take some new classes I have never done before.. should be fun :)

Though, my most favorite thing I think I will do this summer is read all the great books I have been wanting to read for some time now.  I love to read and cannot wait to take time to myself so that I can relax and catch up on things I love to do!

Even though I have all these hobbies that I want to do I also want to spend a lot more time with my hubby.  It has been a crazy last 6 months and we just need some quality TLC time.  So I am looking forward to this summer when things slow down just a little bit and we will actually have time to go on dates and do things together.
Oh and visiting family and friends this summer is a must... I absolutely miss them to pieces and need more family time :)

I would love to hear what other people like to do in the summer time and what awesome hobbies they have... I am always looking for new and creative things to do!


"A life without love is like a year without summer."--Swedish Proverb

Just Keep Swimming...

So... I must say that applying for jobs is super frustrating (and a journey in and of itself)-- I bet so many friends are getting tired of reading about my journey of searching for a job--- but honestly people this is REAL life and it is really stressing me out!! It is very hard for me at times to be patient for things that I really want.  Over the past couple of weeks I have applied to some incredible jobs working with children (some that I would be thrilled to have if the opportunity presents itself)... though, here is the difficult thing... WAITING!  It is killing me to wait and hear back from these companies as to if they would like to interview me or not, if I meet their criteria and so on!  I just would love for a company to look at my resume (see that I am qualified) and say YOU'RE HIRED!! I will keep dreaming my crazy dream as I wait for this dream to become a true reality! LOL

Talking to my mom on the phone today, she had some very good wisdom for me. She told me that I needed to be patient and wait on the Lord because He has perfect timing for my life.  So hard but yet so true.  She also said... just food for thought... maybe God knew you needed a break right now before you get into the real world since you killed yourself (stress wise and being so busy) when you were in school.  I thought about this comment for a long time-- and quite frankly she could be right.  I honestly have no idea what to do with myself now that I am out of college and my every waking move is not planned out by the second (fault of the OCD planner/TYPE A personality in me).  So I am really praying that God will give me an extra measure of patience, a peace of mind and heart, and true relaxation (where I do not feel like I should be doing something).  So badly I want to work so that I can feel useful... but honestly God is going to use me in every season of my life and He is somehow using me in this season in crazy ways I do not understand.

So... as I sit here tonight... I must continue to WAIT... WAIT on GOD'S perfect timing for my life--- because honestly until His plan is ready that is when things will begin to fall into place and make perfect sense ( I am waiting for that day and will rejoice to the mountain tops when it comes!)  So all I can do now is find rest in my Father and that He will take care of all my needs (those I know of and do not know of).  But, I can also do my part here on Earth and continue to apply for jobs and pray that God opens the door to one of the many places I have applied to and will apply to.  My God is a great big God and I know He has incredible plans for me... I just need to have PATIENCE and a humble heart willing to follow wherever God's plans for my life take me!

So I will continue to "swim" (more like flail about) in this crazy season with a smile on my face and the love of Jesus in my heart... there is NoThInG for me to fear when my God is in control of my life (Thank you JESUS!)

I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend and has a wonderful Sunday celebrating all that God has done for them!


Jeremiah 29:11 --"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord... to give you a future and a hope."

TCU Alum!

After almost a week I still cannot believe I am a graduate of Texas Christian University... these past 4 years flew by!!  I can definitely say there were moments I wanted to give up, but the prayers of friends and family is what helped me get through... prayer truly is a powerful thing!

My experience at TCU was an incredible one.  My freshman year, I met my best friend, Hannah and even though we did not get to walk the stage together and she lives in another city (I thought of her the entire time during graduation... I secretly wanted her there with me!) we have remained the best of friends and have gone through some pretty incredible seasons of life together... her wedding, the birth of her daughter, my wedding-- I know God has so much more in store for our friendship and I cannot wait!

My sophomore year, once Hannah moved away I got to room with three incredible girls (Jillian, Katelyn and Lindsey).  Living with these ladies was never a dull moment and they brought me a lot of laughter.  We experienced a lot together (my engagement and lots of wedding planning) and since one year of living together was just not enough... we moved into the DUPE together our junior year.  Wow... the dupe... I do miss that place. So many great memories were made there. It is wonderful being married but some days I do miss the craziness and laughter the dupe contained!

My senior year is one I will never forget.  I got married before my senior year to my best friend.  That summer we also moved into our first little home (the townhouse) and started making things our own.  I took 18 hours of classes my first fall semester of being married... at times I thought I was going to die but my sweet hubby supported me and we made it through.  My final semester in college God really taught me a lot... how to love more, that trials (good and bad) will come my way, and that life is never perfect but be thankful for the things you do have.  I loved being married to my hubby my last year of college and I would not have it any other way... he really grounded me and taught me not to stress so much (do not fool yourself... I definitely stressed!)  It was just so wonderful to have him by my side as my personal cheerleader as we went through all of life's ups and downs together!

Now, here I am graduated from college... applying for jobs out in the real world; praying each day that God will give me a clearer direction for my life.  Through it all, I know God has an incredible plan in store for me and I must wait on Him and His perfect timing!!!

Thank you mom and dad for supporting me in this journey-- I could not have done it without y'all!

I have been on such an incredible journey over these past four years... one that is so incredibly special to me and the memories I made I will hold close to my heart!

Here are some wonderful pictures that were captured graduation day/night to help me remember my special day!

I am a TCU ALUM... Class of 2011!!! WOOHOO!!!

My Sweet and Loving Hubby--- Thank you for all the love and support you have given me!

Love him so so incredibly much!

My parents... Do not know what I would do without their love and support!

My sweet In-laws... thank you for all your love and support (and for driving all the way to Dallas-- Just for me!)  :)

My second momma (aka my mom's best friend) do not know what I would do without her in my life! Love you so much Kim!! :)

"Life is a journey... starting at forever and ending at never!"

Life Happens.

So, during this semester of my life I have discovered more than ever that life happens... people change, things happen (good or bad) but life still moves on whether we move on without it or not (sometimes it is harder to take a step forward for fear of change--- at least from my perspective). Though, something I have learned and held tightly to even through the changes of life is that even though friendships may change the heart of the friendship always remains.  I had a hard time realizing that this semester with every thing that has come my way (graduation, craziness of life, meeting new people, new roles in life... etc) though, I was reminded tonight that even though friendships may change the heart of a friendship will always be there.  That my friends, is refreshing because I am one who hates change... so to know that even though things happen in life that the heart of a friendship is still there even when everything else in my world feels out of control and chaotic... it is such a beautiful thing to find rest in-- this really shows me that deep down these are friendships that are truly connected at the heart.  I have really learned that friendships are so important in life and even more importantly having a friendship with my spouse is extremely important; I am so blessed to know that my relationship with Reagan began as a beautiful friendship that blossomed into so much more. Though, each day it needs pruning and care so that it can blossom and flourish to be the best of what God needs it to be (I am looking forward to learning how to better invest my time into my relationship with my husband!!!) -- today's church service really enforced this for me; definitely something I needed to hear!

I sit here tonight reflecting... grateful for all that God has given me in the midst of this crazy semester of life.  Moving forward, I think even more than ever I will cherish the true friendships that God has given me and remind myself when life gets crazy and changes that my true friends are those in which there is a heart connection; those that love me through the pain and laughter of life even though I may not see them every day.  These friends are those that are few and far to find but are such beautiful relationships when God places them in your life.  So, I challenge you to really reach the heart of your relationships and friendships so that when hard times and happy times do come you know that there our people on your side who love you wholeheartedly and care about you more than ever even when all things seem so unfamiliar. The greatest friendships are those that are bonded at the heart and filled with love... just some thoughts from tonight for things God really showed me and reminded me today.

I hope everyone had a wonderful mother's day! I am blessed beyond belief to have such an incredible mother who loves me so much--- she is my best friend and I do not know what I would do without her.  Thank you Lord for giving me my beautiful mother; I am truly blessed :)

PS: I have so much to write about from graduation (and pictures to share) but tonight is not the night-- it has been an extremely long weekend and I am just too tired.  So, be looking for my graduation recap and pictures this weekend!

"When one allows themselves to be vulnerable and expose their heart, they blossom and are used by God in more ways than we could ever comprehend."

Relaxation

Relaxation is something I have not gotten to do in a long time since the craziness and overwhelmingness (is that even a word?) of school.  Though, today I had a pretty relaxing day.  I got stuff in order for graduation on Saturday (WOOHOO!!!), washed a lot of clothes that I neglected because of final exams, and picked up our house since our parents are starting to come today!  I am so ready to see everyone and celebrate with them. We definitely both miss seeing our families, so it will be wonderful to spend time with them all :)

On the negative side of my relaxation day, my belly has not felt too good.  I have always had problems with my stomach and lately it has just not been my friend... so my nap today was something I definitely think my body and belly needed.  I kid you not, sometimes I have so many problems with my belly that I tell Reagan I wish I had a new one-- he just laughs and tries to comfort me the best he can.  Some days are good and some days are bad-- these past couple of days have not been great at all.  Hopefully it is just from all the nerves of graduating and not big time stomach issues again... haha who knows!

Well off to fold the last load of laundry... it was all conquered today and that feels so good and then packing for the weekend away with our families!

PS: the only thing that could make this graduation weekend better would be having my best friend and her sweet family here.  Miss them oh so much and wish they were already done with finals.  A promised celebration of all our accomplishments is coming this summer and I cannot wait :)

"How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward..."

All things must come to an End!

I never thought this day would come... but I am finished with all of my finals and am done with college. WOW... such a huge accomplishment! Honestly, I do not know what to do with myself... weird that I have nothing to study; I could get used to this! :)

These past four years have been a wonderful blessing and I am so grateful that my parents supported me through my education; that is a true gift I can never repay them and I am grateful beyond words.  Along this journey I have met so many wonderful people and have made some incredible friendships and I really feel like I have learned so many important things that I can use for the real world.

Right now, I am in a place where this just does not seem real, but I know reality and tears will probably hit once I cross the stage this Saturday and then the emotions of excitement and celebration will come!!  The real world is here now.. kinda scary, but I know going through this next chapter of life I will have the incredible support of my husband, family and friends and that is so important to me. The one thing I cling to beginning this new chapter of life is that God is in control and He knows what is best for me... I cannot wait to see what He has in store!

WOW... it is really all done.  The next big thing on my list is to get ready for graduation this Saturday... WOOHOO--- many pictures to come :)

Well off to the gym (I have neglected it a little too much lately) and then lunch! I hope everyone has a wonderful day, the weather in Texas is finally starting to warm up!!

"Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts.  You have to remember this when you find yourself at the beginning." -- Sandra Bullock

Just ONE more :)

I am relieved to say, I just have one more final left tomorrow at 8am (bright and early... blah)!!  Though, tonight at the Farish house, it is going to be a busy night of studying.  I have a lot more studying to do (since I had a huge final today that needed my attention... thank goodness that is over) and Reagan will not get home until after 9pm from work and he will need to continue studying for his BIG Greek exam that is tomorrow.  So, to say the least lift us BOTH up in prayer tonight and tomorrow as you think about us... we have a lot to accomplish tomorrow and our prayer is that we Kick Butty on our exams.

I cannot believe tomorrow is my last day of college as an undergraduate student... it just does not seem real! These last 4 years have gone by so fast, with a lot of trials and triumphs I have had to go through.  Though, God taught me a lot during this period of life and I cannot wait to see what He has in store for the next chapter of of my life and our lives as a married couple!  Though, I will let you in on something kinda funny.  I told Reagan the other night that I wanted to be an over achiever and go to grad school right now.  His response, "Heck no... you need a break from school... you are not a very nice person when you have stress from school."  At first I did not know what to say, but then I had to laugh because he is so right-- school stresses me out... but who knows one day Grad school just may be in the cards; will need to keep praying about that one :)

The other night, I must admit...I told Reagan I felt like I had not accomplished enough (Yes, I know these are Satan thoughts... but let me explain).  I felt this way because I have been applying to jobs like crazy, gotten some good feedback but have not gotten a job offer yet... I feel kinda crappy about it because a lot of my other friends have accepted offers to jobs.  Though, Reagan told me that I needed to remind myself that it was all in God's timing, not my own... which is so true, and that Graduating from college is a HUGE accomplish in itself.  I know he is so right about both these things, but I would just love if God would open a door wide and say, "Here ya go... the PERFECT job for you my princess!" But, that has not happened and I am still patiently waiting.  I know God is working through this situation because He closed the door to Gladney because He knew it was not right for me... so I just wish God would give me a little insight on what the next stepping stone is.  So, I will remain being faithful and giving this situation to Him because I know He has it all worked out and when all things align up perfect to His plan everything will fall into place... as of right now that has not happened yet; so I will continue to be in prayer and I would love if y'all would pray on my behalf that I am fully in-tune to what God needs me to do with my life to honor Him through my work (Yes this is hard for me... I am type A personality/planner and I want to know these things, but God definitely has an awesome reason as to why I do not know yet, and since He is in control of this Great situation I am okay with not knowing-- crazy I know but I know it will all work out because my Jesus is for me not against me)!!

Well, marriage and family study stuff is calling my name.  My prayer is that I can at least get enough sleep tonight that I can function in the morning enough for the test and then I can come home and crash ;)  WOW... LAST NIGHT TO STUDY... seems so UNREAL!! I have been waiting for this day for so long; here goes to putting all my best effort I have left into this test! 

I hope everyone has a wonderful night and stays warm since it's May 2nd and COLD outside... Crazy Texas weather!

Jeremiah 33:3 --"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."