Monday Thoughts

Today was a hard day.  Every day lately seems like a hard day... I need a really good day to erase all these hard days I have been having.  Sorry for the somber mood lately, life is just kinda in a rut.... but I do promise good little things have come out of the bad days and I rejoice in those!  I know God is trying to teach me so much through this season but it is just kinda hard to see all that I am supposed to be learning right now.  I dunno if anyone has ever been in the position I am in, but it just kinda sucks and I wish I could learn a whole lot quicker!  I know God is using this time to mold me and make me into who He needs me to be... hard lessons are never fun!!

Looking over today I had a lot of things I wish that could have been different...

I wish that I did not feel horrible and that my 2 day old migraine would go away, but it isn't.  Lately I have just felt crappy (not like myself) and I so want to feel better- hopefully that day is coming soon!

I wish I would feel rested after I sleep, but all I feel is even more exhausted!  What in the world is the matter with me?!

I wish that my hubby did not have to travel so much.  I know it wears him out to the point of exhaustion and it makes me miss him so much.  Though, I know that he is working so hard to provide for our family... so what more could I ask for?!  That sweet man definitely makes me smile.

I wish that I had more courage today.  To stand up for the things I believe and not let people walk all over me/ intimidate me.  Maybe someday I will find my voice and not be afraid to use it.

I wish my classroom kids knew how much I loved them.  Each one of them are so special to me.  I hope that I give them enough hugs in the day to show them how special they are to me.

I wish I would not worry so much and have so much anxiety. This has been my main focus during Lent -- to give up my worry/fear/anxiety to God.  When I feel overwhelmed with all those emotions I STOP and pray.  I know GOD is big and He can take all these things away from me.

I wish I knew what the next month looked like or even next year.  I feel as if I am standing at a fork in the road and I need answers.

I wish I did not get upset for no reason sometimes.  I know I am not perfect, but sometimes I just cannot explain why I feel the way I do or act the way I do.  I need to become better at understanding where my emotions are coming from.

I wish I had more time in the day to connect with my friends that I miss so much from college.  Life goes by fast and I feel like there is never enough time to just stop and have a long conversation over the phone.  I need to get better at this and make time because those sweet friends mean the world to me.

I wish I was better at photography and had the time to practice and "perfect" it.  That is my goal this summer.

I wish I was not so hard on myself and that I loved me for who God made me to be.  I need to stop looking in the mirror with negative thoughts and groaning at the scale.  As long as I am treating my body as a temple and feeding it well and exercising I need to be pleased with myself, not being so negative!

I wish I knew more scripture by memory.  This is one thing that I am so glad our couples Bible study is helping us do and keeping us accountable for.  I know this will be so useful when I am talking to others about Christ.

All these "wishes" are things that came across my mind at some point or another today.  I know that just getting them down on my blog has helped clear my mind some.  There are always things we can change about ourselves, but through this time of growing pains I hope and pray that I am allowing myself to be changed into the person God desires for me to be because that is all I could ever ask for.


‎1 Peter 5:7- "Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you."