so thankful.

as i sit here and reflect on this week with family and friends, i have so much to be thankful for.  truthfully, as reagan and i talked about all the blessings we have in our life, i got a little teary- eyed because so many times i forget just how blessed we are.  but God has truly blessed us beyond measure.

even though this last week was packed with crazy family stuff, and going here there and everywhere... deep down. i loved it. even though i complained from time to time about the hectic schedules and not being able to stay in my pj's for just one day- family is everything. and making memories is what we are meant to do while we are here on this earth.

we started our week off with a friendsgiving. and had two of our sweet couple friends come over. the fab six as we like to call ourselves. it was wonderful and our bellies were full by the end of the night. i laughed so much that my face hurt. but that is what it is all about. living the moments with the ones you love the most. our dear friends mean the world to us and we truly believe we are better because of them. they are our people.

tuesday, was laundry. and more laundry. and getting ready for jon (reagan's brother).  even through the mounds of laundry, i found myself grateful that i had a washing and drying machine to be able to clean and dry our clothes. its the little things people!

wednesday, jon came and the family festivities began.... and the rest of the week seems like a blur. with all your family being in the same city... things can get a little chaotic and complicated. but, we somehow managed to make it all work. i am exhausted but it is over and everyone had a great time! we ate too much, laughed too much, and drove too many places- but that is what the holidays are all about. good food. and even better company.

so as i sit here tonight, ready to start another week - i want to revel in this moment. i am tired but my heart is full.

we have a wonderful house. a doting and loving pup. family all within a short car drive. friends that truly are like family and would do anything for us. an amazing church. a wonderful lifegroup filled with so many great people. reagan has a job that he loves and a masters degree at a&m to look forward to. the Lord is filling my heart exactly how it needs to be filled in this season and i am so grateful for that- even though i may not yet have my dream job, i am still working with people (even the cute little ones) and having so many wonderful people pour into me and teach me what i need to be taught in this season. to trust and let God. and honestly, i can say i know God has great things prepared for me- and i am so excited to see the story unfold. because i have learned this is just a bump in the road and there are greater things to come. wow. i never thought i would be able to say that a couple months ago. maybe not even a couple of weeks ago. so i am so grateful that within just a matter of weeks the Lord has really used His people and His word to shine light in my life. i am humbled. and so grateful to be a part of his intricately and beautifully woven plan.

so take time to reflect. take time to give thanks. just take time to be with the ones you love. because at the end of it all that is all that really matters.

hug the ones you love. and make memories.

Lord, thank you for all that you have blessed us with and the blessings that are yet to come. Thank you for walking with us through each season of life and carrying us when some seasons seem harder than others. Continue to remind us daily how truly blessed we are and to never forget all that we have to be thankful for.  Amen.

Here is to all that we are thankful for, and looking forward to many memories being made this special time of year.

love you all!

this is me.

so many times in the past couple of weeks i have started to write posts- but have stopped because i can't seem to get my hands to type exactly what is on my heart.  that may be because my head is filled with worry and my heart is anxious or vice versa.

to be honest. i have had all these "fun" posts i have wanted to write to remember the good of this season, but have stopped because yes there have been happy moments in this season but there have also been lots of really no good.terrible.bad days. and some weeks the bad far outweigh the good. which downright sucks. and honestly i am just so over this season. i want to move on. make new memories in a new season. be on the other side. but i am not there yet.

so i have decided to not write because talking about the nitty gritty of this season hurts. makes me sad. is confusing. and i just can't seem to catch a break. or find the words to write. so i decided that painting an unreal picture just wasn't for me. but a friend today reminded me that as much as i want this season  to be over, i need to journal what i went through to get to the other side. so that i can rejoice about how God carried me thru and look back and be amazed by His perfect plans. so here i am.

this is me.  i am tired. i am worn. and quite honestly i am tired of trying to figure out what is next for me. if it is a job. if it is going back to school. becoming a mom. or who the heck knows what the other options could be. many days i beg for clarity. for God to have grace on me. for the fog to be lifted. some days i get a glimpse of the other side, and other days my vision is so blurred i feel even more buried under the weight of this season. there are days when all i want to do is cry and throw a pity party. and there are other days i just don't want to talk about this season anymore in hopes that it will just go away. i want to be done. but i know my time is not yet because God still has something for me.

one thing that has really bothered me in this season of figuring out life is that i have allowed myself to worry too much about what other people think of me. what they think of this season. and their opinion of what i should do. as the people pleasing person i am- this being worried about what other people think has really made life even harder for me. i am trying to please so many people- when ultimately the only person i should try to be pleasing is my Abba Father. why in the world do i care so much about what other people think? it's pathetic. and human. and a fault. that i am not proud of.

today i read a blog post by a sweet friend talking about seasons of life and God carrying you through. i have heard this so many times in the past couple of months. but today it brought on a new perspective. today it reminded me that even though i don't think God is hearing my prayers. He is. He is so faithful. so loving. so merciful. so true. and He is walking with me. and pouring grace upon me.  and because He loves me that much, i had to remind myself today to not give up. to keep going. and to let go. and let God carry me. because when i surrender He is able to do far more than when i build up walls.

so i am letting go. and with that brings so much insecurity. but i know it is for the best. and i fully know that God only wants the best for me. so i am breaking down the walls. admitting that my life and this season is messy and so far from perfect. and more days than none i am a hot mess. but i have so many people loving me through this season and praying for me. that i have no choice but to surrender it all so that the Lord can do a mighty work in me.  i know there are hard days ahead, but i am praying that His will for my life will be made known. that is all i want. to know with my whole being that i am doing exactly what God has called me to do. i am leaving my fear.worry.anxiety.and insecurities at the foot of the cross. Lord use me. just move me aside. and use me.

Lord, carry me. help me to see the good that will come of this season. and help me to remember that you are faithful always. pour your love over me.

It's the little things.

Lately, I have been reminded to live in the moment. Celebrate the little things.  Because the little wins can sometimes bring you the biggest joys...

Take today for example.  It was cold outside. In Texas. It was mid 50's and wonderful.  I have prayed for Fall weather to make its appearance. and it did.  This may seem silly, but PTL for fall!

I completed another day on the couch 2 5K app.  This is big people.  I hate running.  I would rather walk briskly. but my husband loves running.  So I do it so that we will have a "hobby" to do together.  He runs far ahead of me- and I try to catch up. which has yet to happen... maybe one day.  but I run because I know he likes it.  This is true love at its finest my friends.

I am cooking and making new things and enjoying time in the kitchen with my hubs.  I have always loved to cook but have been afraid to step out of my comfort zone with recipes.  Thanks to mixandmatchmama.blogspot.com and her Monday Meal Planning Recipes my kitchen will never be the same, our time spent working together in the kitchen has been fun, and my husband's tummy will always be full!  Thank you Lord for this precious time with my husband... continue to show me how I can better spend quality time with him and how I can love him more.

I am learning to truly embrace the season I am in.  This is big. and a process. but I am taking steps and trying to process how to understand where I am at.  It is weird and uncomfortable. but a growing experience non the less - and I cannot wait to see what is on the other side.  God's divine plan for us is such a beautiful thing.

I am realizing/experiencing God's sovereign Grace.  This message seems to be in everything I read. in all the conversations I have with friends. and in every Bible study I am doing right now.  Obviously God is trying to teach me something!  I am finally breaking down and realizing that His Grace is so sweet and nothing compares.  My imperfections are made beautiful thru His grace and love! Praise the Lord!


Friends, do not let the little moments pass you by... life is but a fleeting moment.  Celebrate the small things so that when your goal has been reached you can look back and see how God intricately laid the plans of your life before your feet.

Just Breathe.

I would apologize for being gone for so long. but if I am being honest, it has been intentional.  I needed a break.  A chance to gather my thoughts. About life. This Season. What Is To Coming. and Where I Am Going.  It's scary. and overwhelming. and exhausting. but on the days where I have learned just a little something. caught a glimpse of hope. I remind myself that there is a reason for it all.

When I found myself in this season, I knew it was going to be full of tests. trials. and areas that God was going to push me to grow. so, I have had to remind myself to breathe.  To take one day at a time.  That I can only live for today. not tomorrow. or yesterday. today.  That thought alone overwhelms me, so I remind myself again to take a deep breath.

I have begged for answers.  prayed for discernment - and I have been given little glimpses of hope. but I know there is still so much I must walk thru before it all makes sense. before I truly understand His plan.  So I continue to just breathe. and take one step after the other.

Life is not always fun. or easy. it is usually messy and chaotic. and I feel out of control most of the time. which I do not like.  it gives me anxiety. and worry. and everything in between.

The crazy thing is, God is teaching me to give it all to Him.  To take a step. Breathe. And let Him be in Control.  So much easier said than done. At times this path seems all too familiar- but I am learning what it really means to relinquish it all. to hold nothing back. it's hard. but it is something I know I have to do. to be the best me God needs me to be.

I will admit, I have been here before.  it is not fun to struggle thru a season, beg for answers, and ask for prayers from anyone who will listen. but I have been reminded time and time again, this is life.  things will make sense one day. just breathe.

Even though I feel like the season just keeps dragging on. and that the fog will never lift.  God has gently and sweetly reminded me that it will.  and through His reminders, He has placed on my heart to pray for my friends... who are going thru seasons too (good or bad), and that they need prayer on their behalf just as much as I do. They need to be reminded just as much as I do that life will be ok. God is sovereign.

We all must remember to breathe.

Take it in.  Focus your thoughts on the Lord. and let Him Lead.

It is not easy. But I have been promised that there will be comfort.  there will be peace.  and His plan is perfect.

So today, I am making myself stop. breathe. and voice my concerns to God. because He hears my cries. and knows my heart.  and He is the only one that can bring me out of this season.

This God–his way is perfect;the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. -- Psalm 18:30