Ephesians 2:8-9, "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast."

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Good for my heart.

1. A person whom one knows, loves, and trusts.

Last night I got time to be with one of my dear sweet friends whom I have not gotten to see in quite some time, and to be quite honest it has felt like a little piece of me has just been missing something.  When you get to see someone almost every day and multiple times in one day... you get kinda spoiled. and your heart hurts a little when the only communication you have with them is through text messages and phone calls... at least for right now in this season of life.   Do not get me wrong, I absolutely love those two things very much, and it has kept me connected at the heart with my sweet friend. but I need to see my sweet friend face to face and hug her neck.  Well last night that is exactly what I got to do with my sweet friend.  Hug her neck.  Eat some sushi.  Relax. Have a glass of Wine.  and Talk until the restaurant kicked us out. and then keep talking outside the restaurant until you realize you have 10 missed calls on your phone and multiple texts because the hubby is worried about where you are at since our dinner date started at 7pm and it is now 11pm at night. oops... for the phone being on silent! sorry I am not sorry.  The time that I had with my sweet friend for over four hours was well worth it and just what I needed. to be honest I could have used more time with her... there were so many more things we needed to talk about... but more than anything it was the time of truly being with her in person that I loved more than anything. but I will hold onto all the things I wanted to keep talking about because I know there will be a next time. very. very. soon. with my sweet friend.

There is just something about sitting with a sweet friend and talking about everything under the sun.  It does my heart good. It encourages me. and in the end it brings me peace... because the prayer of a friend is something that just cannot be explained.

As I get older I find myself needing that me time with my sweet friends more and more.  I need to bounce ideas off of them. and get their advice. and have them pray for me.  my heart just needs it because after those sweet moments I always feel better and encouraged.  But more than anything, as I get older I am realizing that God has truly blessed me with such wonderful friends whom I can call my sisters.  Without them I would not be the person I am... they just make me be a better me.

So, even though yesterday was crazy and the week has been hard, my time last night with my sweet sister friend was exactly what the doctor ordered.  I came home feeling fulfilled. and encouraged. it was just so good for my soul.

Lord, thank you for placing sweet sister friends in my life whom I can be myself with. laugh with. cry with. love fully. receive encouragement from. and give love and encouragement to.  They are all so precious to me.

For today I am grateful. and thankful. and counting my blessings that I have such  sweet sister friends who walk with me every day through the good and bad. that right there is true friendship love. 

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times..."

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Just Laugh

Do you ever find yourself sitting and reflecting on your day and you can only help but laugh because it has just been one of those days!?  That is where I am at people. Laughing.  Because it is a lot better than crying. and today has just been crazy weird.  So today I am choosing to laugh and thank God for giving me this laughter and trying to turn my crazy day into something positive.

So if you have had one of those days too. just laugh. let it out. heck maybe even laugh so hard you cry. I promise it will make you feel better.

Love you all and Happy Hump day!

Monday, July 15, 2013

Words in my head.

Four words keep continually coming to my head day after day.  Trust. Peace. Patience. & Abide in Me.  When my mind starts to worry lately, those four words just keep coming to the forefront of my mind.  Ironically Though really in God's perfect plan, throughout this season, everything I have read, the people I have talked to and the words I have prayed - are those four words that keep surfacing. So this morning I committed myself to really believe those words and allow myself to really dig deeper and find the meaning God has for those words in my life.

Last night at our couple's Bible study as I was talking to the ladies, it was interesting to hear that we are all in different places in our lives, but those four words hold so much meaning for everyone in the group.  One sweet friend in our group then further explained with tears in her eyes that she was just so grateful for us and the friendships that are forming because we need each other to pour into one another for accountability and prayer.  It was that moment, that my heart felt so full because it is true... I need these ladies to teach me how to weave those words into my life so that I can learn from their life stories and lessons they have learned from God on how to be a better wife, how to be a better daughter of God, and how to really make those words the cries of my heart.  So, as I sat this morning in my quiet time, I prayed.  I prayed those four words over and over and then I prayed those words for my people- my friends.  Because at the end of the day, we all want those words to be in our heads and know that with those words comes an unconditional love that seems to encompass the truths of all  four words.

Psalm 62:8 "Tust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us."

Thursday, July 11, 2013

On Repeat.

A friend of mine posted this song the other day and when I first heard it I cried - something I seem to do a lot of lately.  But the words in the song are my heart.  The song describes perfectly what I want more than anything... especially in this season.  Every day I am having to remind myself that my life is not my own and that I need to surrender it all to Him who knows every little detail of my life from the time I wake up in the morning to the minute I lay my head down on the pillow.  He knows.  So I need to find rest in knowing that when I am weak, He is strong.  When I feel like I cannot walk any more, He will carry me.  He is all I need... and sometimes that one simple sentence is so hard for me to wrap my mind around; especially when my flesh wants to worry and become anxious ... but in the end I must remind myself that I know that His will will be done and my eyes will be opened to work of His hands. His perfect plan will unfold and I know I will be brought to my knees in tears because the plan will be His absolute best for me and I will stand in awe of just how amazingly intricate it will be. So today I am surrendering and placing my trust in Him so that I can experience the peace that comes with surrendering.

So -- listen to the song.  be still. and just let it wash over you.  because honestly once you listen to the words you will play the song on repeat too because deep down we all want this song to be the cry of our hearts. We must lay down our human tendencies and just surrender, because when we do we are able to accept the blessings of the Lord so much more.

Happy Thursday friends.

Music Video for I Surrender by Hillsong - Live Version:


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Why me?

So it has been a little while since I have posted, and honestly I really haven't felt like I have had anything of importance to write about.  Life has been hard lately. Though, I finally realized the other day that I write this blog because it is my journal about my life and the latest happenings with the Farish Fam... the good, the bad and the indifferent... so, I feel like I need to write where I am in life right now so I can look back and see that God was faithful.

Lately, More days than none, I have felt less than confidant and defeated. Let me start explaining...

Since March, I have been looking for a job in my career field (Child Development) here in San Antonio.  Because of some unforeseen circumstances in the Education system here in San Antonio, I thought it would be best to spread my wings and look for my big girl job and really start my career.  In my mind this seemed like it would not be a hard obstacle to accomplish.  Well, let me tell you something... trying to find a job is not easy and extremely discouraging.  Since March, I have applied to over 45 jobs... no lie.  I have applied to everything from part time to full time to everything in between.  I have applied for things that I am qualified for and things that I thought - "hmm I may get it.... by a long shot, but there is no harm in applying!" For many of these jobs I have received no feedback - which is extremely frustrating in and of itself.  Though, for some of the jobs I have received emails back saying I am overqualified (something I thought an employer would never tell me) and they appreciated my time - please tell me how in the world you are overqualified for a job!? -- The one question I keep asking myself over and over. If you can't tell - I am frus.tra.ted.  Any-who... I digress... so I have continued applying to jobs because I feel like I need something to do so that I can contribute to the Farish Fam (because let's be honest if I do not have a job, what in the world am I going to do with all the extra time....). and the more I apply, the more frustrated I get.  If I could just get an interview, I feel like people could see the real me, because honestly paper does not do me justice. I just need one interview to give me some hope and boost my self esteem... everyone keeps telling me you just need ONE person to say "Yes" - well I need that ONE person.

Through this all, I have found myself in a season of uncharted territory.  I have never been here before and it is scary.  and very hard.  I have found myself doubting myself, doubting my major (which I love) and honestly doubting if I am good enough.  It is hard to put yourself out there and apply for everything under the sun and get nothing in return.  I am tired of applying.  I am tired of worrying.  But more than anything, I am tired of wondering what is next. I want OUT of this season, but I know God is not ready for me to be done, and that sucks more than ever; I have never cried as much as I have since my job ended at the beginning of June. I am worried. and I want to stop worrying and feel the peace (which I have caught glimpses of) from God that surpasses all things and I am not there yet, so I have to keep going and learning through this season... and believe me it is not fun and much more harder than I ever expected.

Throughout this journey, many people have told me to consider applying to grad school or going back and finishing my nursing degree ... Lets be honest. I have thought about those 2 things a lot and have prayed. and prayed. and then prayed some more. at all hours of the day.  and this is what I have come up with---  Reagan and I feel like grad school is a big commitment and a counseling degree takes ALOT of time to accomplish, and right now we feel like that is a NO and honestly I am ok with that.  There is a lot we have planned for the next 3 years and sitting in a classroom 4 out of 5 nights a week just does not seem worth it.  I may be wrong and God may show me that, but right now I feel confident with my answer being "No."  Nursing school.. oh Lord where do I even begin.  Over the last year, I have applied to so many schools to finish what I originally started at TCU and so many schools have told me my credits are not good enough.... I am being dead serious with you... my TCU credits are not good enough. Say What?! OH and as of Today, I am still waiting on a couple schools to get back to me and let me know if I can apply, when the deadlines are, and how long it will take for me to complete the program.... but honestly I am getting worn out.   I just need there to be a light at the end of the tunnel in this department...a yes or a no.  Because every time I feel like I am done, there is a little tug at my heart to keep trying, to keep researching, and a little glimpse of hope that maybe someone will say "Yes."

As I sit here today, I am not really sure what I should do or what is next. I feel like that one sentence describes the story of my life.  Oh and I have turned into a weeping willow who is on her knees constantly in prayer because I have never felt so jumbled up inside.  I feel broken, and I just want someone to say "Yes."  "Yes" to a job or going back to school.  Though, more than anything I want to feel a tug in my heart from God saying this is the plan He has for me, and I want to be able to push forward and leave fear behind and just do it.  Because I know this is His best for me.  But I haven't felt or heard anything from Him other than to keep praying in the season and that scares me more than anything.

I am scared and so unsure of where this journey is going to take me.  Though from life tests before, I have learned that when I am in spiritual valleys God is molding me into who I need to be for the next season of life.   As much as I get that I just want to be out of this valley... and see the plan but right now I can't. and it stinks.  So I am holding onto the promise that God is faithful and that He has the very best in-store for me, even when I may not be able to see the next steps ahead that I need to take.

Through tears and a heavy heart, in this season I am praying for direction. for peace. for patience. understanding. and the ability to experience love from my Father like I have never felt before.   Don't get me wrong... I am scared. worried. angry. and a whole lot of other emotions but I know that God only wants what is best for me, so I have to keep clinging to the hope that the Best is still yet to come. 

This is my heart. and my world. right now. and as crazy and vulnerable as it all may seem, I need prayer.  Prayer to make it through this season and prayer to know that even though I feel so alone and worried (every sec of some days), that God is there with me always paving the way for something far better than I ever imagined.

Thank you all for loving me through the good and the bad and the crazy vulnerable days.... I love you all more than you may know.

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."