stuck in the middle of confusion and learning life...

there are just some things in life lately that I have to take a step back and try to re-evaluate the situation because at first glance I am like... what the heck?!  there are ways people handle themselves that make me wonder, or even the things people say.. I just sometimes want to say WOAH FILTER!  there are just those days when I seem like I have control over nothing and do not understand what God is trying to teach me.  those days are frustrating because I cannot seem to see the whole plan or understand why people are placed in my life at certain times and do and say things I do not get.  I have been in this place for a little while, a place where I really do not understand what is going on around me and I am really looking forward to God allowing me to move forward to a new season in life.  Though, the sad thing is God is teaching me so much in this season of life and one of the big things is patience...

 I am having to learn that it is not on my time by God's time.  I am learning how to truthfully treat and speak to others the way I would like to be treated.  I am learning to love on people like I have no more love to give.  I am learning what it means to really be a Godly wife and how I can best serve my husband and meet his needs.  I am learning that life needs balance and to not sweat the small things that I have no control over.  I am learning that people come and go in life, and that I must be grateful for every new friendship I encounter because they are placed in my life for a reason. I have learned that I am in love with our couples Bible Study Group and I am so thankful for the amazing and Godly couples God has placed in our lives... I look forward to Sunday nights like no body's business-- it is my fuel to get me through the week!  I am learning who I can trust in life and who I cannot trust.  I am learning how to be a better friend and showing them love like God does. I am learning that life is not perfect and there are awful people in this world.  I am learning that loving on kids fills my heart with so much joy that at times it brings me to tears.  I am learning that one day I do believe Reagan and I will make incredible parents... and I cannot wait till God blesses us with a child.  I am learning that balancing school and life is difficult and am looking forward to it all being over in May 2011.  I am learning that ministry is not easy and that supporting my husband is the most important thing ever.  I am learning how to really open up to people and let them see my heart.  I am learning that even though my husband is in seminary that he does not know everything about the Bible and just wants to hear my thoughts after we read scripture together and help me better understand the Bible.  I am learning how to be more humble and how not to force my OCD/ organized self onto others.  I am learning how to fulfill my passion in life by working with kids and families.  Though, above all else I have learned that through all my confusion and everything I have learned God has loved me every step of the way and that is an incredible thing.  My God knew my life before I was even born.  He took on all my sin so that I could accept His love.  He loves me even when I do not look to Him for guidance first.  My God is a sovereign God and for that I am so thankful because today the most important thing I learned yet again (God seems to be teaching me this one thing over and over because He must feel I am not getting it!) is that no matter what happens or what the world throws my way... God's grace is enough for me.  Knowing that one incredible thing makes me smile and hold my head a little higher because it is not just me against the world, it is God and me walking hand in hand as He guides me through the crazy world. Thank you Lord for your provision over my life, without you I am nothing.

"God teach me the things you need me to learn in this season of life so that I may grow even more in my walk with you."