Drained by life

So lately in the Farish household, Reagan and I have been in a "season".  A season of life where quite frankly we have no idea what God is trying to teach us or the direction and plans He wants our lives to go.  To say the least this is quite frustrating for someone like me who is a type A personality.  I have prayed over and over for God to show me the direction He needs us to be going in or to provide answers for our little family, and I feel that God has not answered my questions and prayers yet.  I had to be reminded by a friend yet again today that all things come together in God's timing not your timing.  Which I totally understand this and thank goodness God knows the plans for my life and not me.  But, it is hard waiting (since we are human), and it is hard being patient and diligent.  I am tired, I no longer know what I should be praying for other than that God provides us with clear understanding and direction for our lives.  I feel defeated and more than anything I hate seeing my husband feel defeated... it breaks my heart to see him in a slump. 
Though, I cling to the hope that once this season passes we will look back on it and see all that God taught us through the grueling process.  Though, right now I want to surrender.  I want to throw my hands up and let God know that I am done with this season and I would like to move on... but the reality is I cannot tell God what to do when He is in control of my life-- He runs the show not me.  So as we wait for answers my prayer since the beginning of this season is that through this God brings Reagan and I closer together and demonstrates to us His unfailing love.  I know God is there with us every day and every step of the way, but at times lately when I have cried (which has not been pretty) about all the situations we are in and all the unknowns --- I have had to tell myself over and over that even though I feel like I am going through all these things alone God has never left my side... that my friends is one of the constant comforts I am clinging to each day.  God is going to work through all these situations in my life and Reagan's life,  He will provide for the things that need to be provided, make ways for us in jobs, allow us to spend more time together as a couple, and at the end of the day we will still be able to have time to take care of ourselves and each other. 
More than ever through this season Jesus is teaching me that I need Him and that I need to give every part of my life to Him.  If this is what God needed me to learn through all that has happened this semester, at the end of this season I will praise and thank God for molding me even through the resistance and hard times I have had in my life over the past couple of months.  I think once this season is also over (all in God's timing) that I can honestly say I have began to learn to trust women again (being a youth pastor's wife it is hard to learn who you can trust as a friend and who you cannot)-- those who I have allowed myself to walk into relationships with over this semester have been an absolute blessing in my life and truthfully God given relationships.  I really feel like God knew I needed these women in my life to talk through stuff, and learn from them about similar experiences they have walked through... I have learned so much from each wonderful women; for that little blessing I am so grateful beyong words.  I have allowed myself to be open to these women, to ask them for advice and guidance, and to have them pray for me... this for me is a Huge thing... and if God was needing me to learn trust through this season I am definitely on my way to learning this life lesson.  All I can say is that through every season (good or bad) my God is with me every single day cheering with me on the good days and providing me comfort on the days I just need to cry; thank you Lord for walking with me every step of every day-- I could not make it through each day without your strength and guidance, because I am nothing without you.

So in the days and weeks to come please just pray on behalf of Reagan and I.  Pray that God begins to reveal His plans for our lives and the doors that need to be open will open and the doors that need to be closed will close.  More than anything--- prayer is all we need right now to make it through today, tomorrow, and the next day.

"Be strong and of good courage. Do not be afraid for the Lord your God, He is the one who goes with you. He will never leave you or forsake you." -- Deuteronomy 31:6